Azure Flame Reloaded

Lia confronts Louis.

Louis: Yes, I was the one who killed Lia, Marie and, er, what’s-her-name through intense STRAIGHT. That is why HARD GAY has abandoned me and left me to rot.

Meanwhile, Robin has a cross melted down and turned into bullets.

(Robin: These holy bullets will surely produce a heavenly BI experience.)

Robespierre: Killing the king will not put an end to HARD GAY- if we do not show the people that BI is a viable replacement, they will only long for more of the same. Continue Reading »

Louis advances on Anna, Sword in hand.

(Anna: I feel like I should run away, but I just can’t be bothered. What’s the point of living in a world where d’Eon doesn’t even know who I am, and my only offers of STRAIGHT come from old men and little boys?)

Louis gives Anna fatal Sword; a short while later, Broglie arrives.

Louis: For a moment there, my STRAIGHT impulses overcame me, but now that I am back to myself again, I can see that STRAIGHT is quite distasteful.

Broglie: From now on, leave all matters of STRAIGHT to me. Continue Reading »

The year is 1742, and the body of Lia de Beaumont has just been found in a coffin floating down the Seine- and for her brother d’Eon, it signals the start of a journey. Possessed by Lia’s restless soul, he finds himself driven to find the cause of her death, and in so doing, he and his comrades find themselves travelling across Europe and uncovering conspiracies and agendas that permeate even the highest of authorities. Can d’Eon survive long enough to uncover the truth, or will he fall victim to mysterious powers possessed by the many forces seeking to advance their own agendas?

Continue Reading »

Orleans: Teillagory! Who am I going to have HARD GAY with now?

Orleans runs away.

Teillagory: I did not want to die in throes of HARD GAY, but now that it has happened that way, it does not feel so bad. My son and my comrades are surely waiting to service me in Heaven.

Continue Reading »

Orleans looks at the captive d’Eon.

Orleans: Hmm, I think I shall have Cane with him.

Teillagory: I was hoping you’d leave it to me…er, I mean, I didn’t think you’d go to the trouble of servicing him yourself.

Orleans: I want to see his face when I give him a taste of Cane. Continue Reading »

Lia-d’Eon sees Durand’s spirit leave for the afterlife.

(Durand: I’m off for some HARD GAY in Heaven, a place of Zhuge Liangs.)

Back in France, Louis writes down the name of the night’s lover.

Louis: And tonight, I choose Generic Advisor!

(Pompadour: Damn!)

Pompadour thinks back to a conference with Saint-Germain.

Saint-Germain: Even if we cannot turn Louis STRAIGHT, it is not the end of the world, for we still have the Dauphin. Continue Reading »

Lia-d’Eon stands over Dashwood’s body.

(Lia-d’Eon: He did not have the stamina for BI.)

Teillagory sheathes his sword.

(Teillagory: The old antique will have to wait a bit before it gets some action.)

Dashwood’s blood has formed a message telling the heroes to go to the New World.

(D’Eon: Damn, does this mean he wants us to have an America arc? I don’t want to leave Europe, so I’ll just ignore it). Continue Reading »

(Readers of the Alt-Chev parodies will remember the Durand pregnancy arc- well, here we have further proof.)

Teillagory gives Sword to the attacking generics, but something seems wrong with Durand.

(Durand: What’s happening? This feels more painful than Pleasurable!)

Lia: Input Spell Command! Everyone stand still while I chant!

Sandwich fidgets as Lia chants.

(Sandwich: Come on, get on with it, or there won’t be time for my speaking role!)

Writing appears on the bodies of Sandwich’s generics, and then Sandwich himself.

Sandwich: What are you doing? I told you not to class me as a generic! Continue Reading »

Dashwood talks to his underlings at Medmenham Abbey.

Dashwood: Gwakaka, soon Robespierre will be here, and then battle will commence!

Robespierre, Giuseppe and Lorenza ride to the abbey in a carriage.

Robespierre: Whilst we’re here, would you mind giving me some quick BI? Here, I’ll pay you in advance- I’ll just give you a blank cheque, and you can write in an amount equivalent to how good an experience you had with me.

Continue Reading »

Robin, d’Eon and Teillagory are back at their safe house.

Robin: Is it really okay to be back here?

Teillagory: We need to have HARD GAY, and this is a good place for it. If you’re worried that someone might come in and see how small you are, just move to somewhere where they can’t see.

Continue Reading »