Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 19
Kakunojo relives her stabbing of Akidzuki in her dreams. She wakes up screaming.
(Kakunojo: Help, I can’t stand being stuck in flashbacks!)
Enomoto’s ship is about to reach the land of Ezo. The generics cheer.
Generics: At last we don’t have to hide our Ezos!
Several minutes of narration sees Enomoto and his people establish their base at Goryoukaku as part of the plan to create a land where men with Ezos need not be ashamed.
Whilst Kakunojo sits indoors, outside historical figure Shimura Tetsunosuke is having Hammer with some WOOD. Doctor Takamatsu Ryouun watches.
(Ryouun: I like the look of his Hammer- I must ask him for HARD GAY later.)
Later, Tetsunosuke visits Hijikata, who is polishing his Sword.
Tetsunosuke: Sir, I have to admit that I don’t really understand BI- why should I care for a woman?
Hijikata: If you don’t want BI, I’ll find a servant who does- and he will be the one to get nightly sword from me.
Tetsunosuke: Why must you be so preoccupied with BI? I thought you preferred traditional HARD GAY!
Hijikata: Do not question me, boy.
(Hijikata: Of course I have misgivings, but this is the only way I can be with Soutetsu.)
Tetsunosuke is reluctantly sent to get some BI experience with Kakunojo.
(Tetsunosuke: Pleasure with a woman- whose idea was this?)
He spots her Sword in the corner.
(Tetsunosuke: Women have Swords? At least this gives us something to talk about.)
Tetsunosuke: Is that your Sword over there?
Kakunojo starts crying.
(Tetsunosuke: See, this is why I hate dealing with women.)
Outside, Doctor Ryouun is desperately trying to solicit BI from generics.
Ryouun: Please give me a BI! I’m a doctor who knows many techniques! Please!
Elsewhere, Shiranui is looking for Kotoha.
Shiranui: Has anyone seen this woman? She has a slightly less generic design than the lot of you. If I can find her, we might be able to get our storyline, not to mention our first screen time in ages.
Later, Kakunojo goes out and stands on the edge of a cliff, holding her Sword.
(Kakunojo: Was I wrong to try Sword?)
Soutetsu appears out of nowhere.
Soutetsu: What’s wrong, Chief, did you have some bad Sword? Even so, you cannot escape the lure of BI- it is your destiny.
Kakunojo: But I…with this Sword…my BI killed Akidzuki!
Soutetsu: Do you honestly believe he’s dead? He’s the main character, so of course he hasn’t died from something as trivial as a deep stab wound followed by near-drowning in the ocean.
Kakunojo: He’s alive? How do you even know that?
Soutetsu: I am the scriptwriter, after all- which reminds me, I’d better get back and start writing episode twenty.
Soutetsu walks away.
(Soutetsu: I cannot let Akidzuki die until I have slept with him at least once.)
Tetsunosuke arrives, and mistakenly believes that Kakunojo is trying to have Hyper Self Pleasure.
Tetsunosuke: Stop! You’re supposed to be helping me with BI, not wasting it all on Hyper Self Pleasure!
Kakunojo: I’m sorry, but I have my heart set on BI with Akidzuki.
Meanwhile, the rest of the troupe has journeyed north.
Zagashira: It’s cold here, especially as none of us dressed for the occasion, but this expedition is vital if we ever wish to have screen time again.
(Kakashi: I know- I’m still waiting for my development arc.)
The troupe goes to the Plot Development area, where they conveniently bump into Soutetsu.
Soutetsu: Thank you for coming all this way- it’s good to know we can all have BI again.
Zagashira: I’m glad to hear you say that- I always assumed that once you had had your fill of us, you would move onto other lovers.
Soutetsu: My appetite is such that I can accommodate infinite lovers- and besides, most of the men here have Ezos.
At the hospital, Ryouun is still trying to coax BI out of the patients when several Sword wielding generics arrive.
Generics: We’re sick of all this BI! Give us good old HARD GAY!
Doctor: This is an equal opportunities hospital, and that means BI only!
Just as the generics are about to give him Sword, Tetsunosuke arrives back from a HORSE session.
Tetsunosuke: Oh by the way, Hijikata and Enomoto have cancelled their BI appointment with you, Doctor.
Generic: What!? I was planning on accosting Hijikata for HARD GAY today! I guess we’ll have to take you instead!
One of the generics starts having HARD GAY with Tetsunosuke.
Generic #2: Seriously, guys, what should we do now? It looks like we’re not even going to have a plot role.
Meanwhile, Soutetsu, Hijikata, Brunet, Enomoto and others are having a meeting.
Brunet: It seems our BI messenger was killed by Sword- a clear indication that certain factions are unwilling to accept HARD GAY.
Hijikata: I told you this would happen! Not everyone is willing to accept BI in place of the HARD GAY they know and love.
Enomoto: Gwakaka, my Ezo will show them what they are missing.
Back at the hospital, the generics continue to have HARD GAY Tetsunosuke, until Kakunojo arrives to give them Sword.
Kakunojo: Cease this hideous HARD GAY at once and taste righteous BI!
Shiranui arrives to give the generics Blowdart.
Shiranui: BI is the future!
Zagashira and the others also show up.
Zagashira: How deplorable of you to have screen time without us!
The hospital patients unite to help drive off the generics.
Ryouun: All these named characters together- we’re all bound to get screen time!
Meanwhile, Enomoto practises his Evil Stare, whilst on a distant shore, Akidzuki’s unconscious body is having DOG.
To be continued…