Utawarerumono parody episode 24
Hakuoro here. In an effort to protect my harem and myself from the insidious temptations of HARD GAY, I have started to fight back in earnest against the forces of Kunnekamun. With Genjimaru’s skill on my side, their Avu Kamuu should now be easily defeated, and it will only be a matter of time before I can reach Kuuya and add her to my harem…
Tusukuru and allied forces march on Kunnekamun. The Avu Kamuu are now easily beaten. In her palace, Kuuya receives reports of Hakuoro’s actions.
(Kuuya: Hakuoro, I just don’t understand this. I marched on your country, attacked your people, and now you’re fighting back?)
Once all the generics have slaughtered each other, the named characters move forward into Kunnekamun. Unfortunately, they are attacked by a band of zombies.
Zombies: Grr, aargh!
From his lab, Dii watches Hakuoro and the others fight.
(Dii: In the game, Kanhorudari and I went out to fight them at this point, but there isn’t time for that now.)
Dii: Activate arbitrary teleport mode! Bring the main party to the throne room so that we can finish this quickly and get onto my arc!
Hakuoro, Genjimaru and Eruruu are teleported to the Kunnekamun throne room.
Kuuya: Ah, good, you’re here. Now we can settle this as one harem master to another.
Hakuoro: Kuuya, why are you doing this? Why not just join my harem?
Eruruu: Kuuya, that way you can even be HARD YURI with me.
Kuuya: You just cannot understand my complexity. World peace is the one desire I hold above all others, and for that reason, I must start wars and kill everyone in my path. Now, let’s dispense with the chatter and begin the battle- summon Avu Kamuu!
Kuuya’s silver Avu Kamuu theatrically rises out of the floor and she gets inside. Hakuoro moves forward to face her, and easily blocks her first blow.
Genjimaru: Don’t worry, Kuuya’s stats are low.
After a few blows, however, Hakuoro is in trouble.
Genjimaru: Perhaps I overestimated Hakuoro’s stats. Hakuoro, take this sword and attack exactly where I tell you!
(Hakuoro: The old man really is coming in handy.)
Hakuoro follows Genjimaru’s directions and Kuuya’s Avu Kamuu is disabled just as everyone else arrives.
Kuuya exits the Avu Kamuu and draws a dagger.
Kuuya: You may have your entire party here, but I can still fight!
Hakuoro: It’s true that if you kill me it will be game over, but I doubt you could raise your hand against the main character.
Kuuya: Damn you! Your subtle trickery has completely confused me- and I don’t have anyone to tell me what to do or think! I forfeit.
Kuuya submits to Hakuoro, but in short order Dii arrives.
Dii: Genjimaru, I thought you would support my vision of a HARD GAY world, but instead you have brought a harem master here with you.
Genjimaru: I am sorry, but I’ve chosen to side with the main character- he’s more likely to win.
Dii: In that case, old man, I shall have to forego your experience and go for younger, stronger partners. I summon Hien and Hauenkua!
Hien and Hauenkua’s Avu Kamuu appear from nowhere.
Kuuya: Ah, Hien, Hauenkua, you’re obviously still working for me, so follow my orders!
Hien: I’m sorry, but we don’t want to be a part of your harem anymore- we want character development!
Hauenkua: Hahahaha, Dii has promised to turn me into a woman! You would have kept me as a man.
Genjimaru: Hien, Hauenkua, if you won’t listen to her, then at least listen to me, the real power behind the throne.
Hien: Grandpa, why don’t you join us? We can all be HARD GAY together.
Kuuya: Genjimaru, what’s going on? I can’t follow this conversation.
Dii: Be quiet, Kunnekamun leader. Your arc has lasted far too long.
Hauenkua rushes forward to attack Kuuya. Hakuoro feels stirrings from his monster self.
(Hakuoro: My HARD GAY impulses…I must resist!)
Urotorii: Telepathy mode on! Target Hakuoro!
(Urotorii: Although I’ve never used or even mentioned this before, I actually have the ability to teleport people. I’ll get the harem out of here so that you can go HARD GAY without everyone watching.)
Urotorii everyone else away, leaving Hakuoro, Genjimaru and Kuuya behind.
(Hakuoro: Damn, Genjimaru’s still here, but I can’t fight it any more. I must let the HARD GAY out!)
Hakuoro starts transforming into his monster form.
(Dii: That’s it, Hakuoro, become a partner worthy of me.)
(Hauenkua: Not this again! I only just got this duplicate Avu Kamuu custom.)
Hakuoro attacks Hien and Hauenkua.
Genjimaru: Hien, this level of HARD GAY is too intense for you!
Hien: Grandfather, this is the only way I can surpass you!
Dii: Hauenkua, if you don’t start attacking, I won’t turn you into a woman!
Hien and Hauenkua attack monster Hakuoro.
Genjimaru: Dii, stop this.
Dii: A man who cannot stand this level of HARD GAY will have no place in the new world.
Monster Hakuoro kills both Hien and Hauenkua in a berserk rampage.
(Monster Hakuoro: When I go into HARD GAY mode, I just can’t help myself.)
Dii: Hakuoro, you are a worthy man of HARD GAY, but I cannot allow us to come into contact just yet. There are things we must discuss before we consummate our relationship- not least the harem you have created.
Kamyu is spotted hiding behind a pillar.
(Monster Hakuoro: Oh no, Kamyu saw me in HARD GAY mode!)
Dii: Ah, Mutsumi, queen of HARD YURI, you have come to aid me.
Dii triggers Kamyu’s transformation into Mutsumi.
Dii: Mutsumi, Hakuoro must be punished for betraying the path of HARD GAY.
Mutsumi begins attacking Hakuoro.
Dii: Right, Genjimaru, now that those two are occupied, I must once again ask you to rejoin me.
Genjimaru: Dii, I have many happy memories of my time with you, but I cannot condone your HARD GAY world. Instead, let’s just have one last crosswing of ‘swords’ and consider it even.
Dii: I do not want to lose you, Genjimaru, but I cannot say no to your offer.
Genjimaru rushes forward and stabs Dii, but in return he is turned into a splatter of blood and organs.
(Dii: My HARD GAY is now too intense for any mortal man to withstand.)
(Kuuya: Genjimaru! Without you, I cannot possibly lead a country!)
Dii: Mutsumi, let’s go. I’ve had my fill of HARD GAY for now.
Mutsumi: Kuuya, I cannot feel sympathy for any woman who would not fully embrace HARD YURI- but we’re running out of time, so I must leave now.
Dii and Mutsumi depart, leaving the Kunnekamun castle as flaming wreckage.
Dii: We are final bosses now, Mutsumi, and that means we must start thinking about changing the world through destruction and chaos.
Dii and Mutsumi fly away as Hakuoro, now in human form again, emerges from the flames with Kuuya in his arms.
(Hakuoro: I am not proud of turning HARD GAY, but at least now I have Kuuya for my harem.)
Will Hakuoro have time to enjoy his harem before Dii and the demands of HARD GAY resurface yet again? Find out next time.